Growing up I was not as confident as I am now. I was always the skinniest and shortest girl in my grade. I did not have as many friends as I do today because I was not outgoing. My middle school years, compared to now, are a total 180 in regards to my personality.
When I was in grades 6-8 I was about 80-90 lbs and was 4’6-4’8. I was made fun of because I wasn’t as developed as the other girls. At the time I didn’t understand why my body didn’t look like theirs. I would pray to God for breasts every night before I would go to bed. Thinking back I laugh because it was so ridiculous. At the time I would hate my body because I thought there was something wrong with me.
This was the peak of my awkwardness.
To add to my body ‘issues’ I didn’t know how to socialize! I didn’t have the proper social skills that the other kids had. I was very socially unaware and very sensitive. I would cry at school almost everyday. I don’t even remember the causes of why I cried, I just remember crying even for the smallest reasons. Making friends was a little hard because I was scared no one liked me. The friends I did have I would be a total stage 5 clinger with them.
Eventually I reached high school and in grade 9, I didn’t shed a single tear. I think that’s when I realized not to take everything so personally. When I stopped caring what others thought of me I started to gain more confidence. I started doing pageantry and modelling in high school, which forced me to step out of my comfort zone and to socialize outside of my friend group.
The reason I’m writing about my awkward stage is to shed a light on self love. If you were to tell my 12 year old self that I’d be competing for Miss World Canada I would laugh! Without modelling and pageantry I would definitely not be the woman I am today. If you are reading this and believe you are in an awkward phase, don’t worry things will get better. We are still young and growing. I’m not saying everyone should model or join pageants. My point is that eventually you will become your best self. I am learning new things everyday and I don’t believe I am my best self yet. Being in Miss World Canada is just a part of my journey to find it.