Today, I shared a very personal topic and opened up about my mental health journey withFemEvolve, a women’s health and wellness magazine. Not only did I get my first magazine publishment, but I also took another step forward with my personal development.
Being Miss World Ontario 2018 means that I have a voice. A voice that’s going to speak louder and travel further. I am using my voice to be honest and open up on matters that many others can relate to. I am so happy to be collaborating on this with FemEvolve because it is such a powerful platform and this was not an easy story to tell.
Growing up in the dance industry, I developed an unhealthy obsession with perfectionism. I wanted to win everything, beat everyone, and always be the best. I had a magical formula that always did the trick: work hard and you’ll achieve what you want. This mindset got me through school, extracurriculars, and everything that I did.
However, some things, such as relationships, are not completely in your control. No matter how much effort you put in, there’s no guarantee that it will be reciprocated by the other person. I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that my life could not be perfect. I was putting in my best effort but not getting what I want anymore.
At the University of Toronto, I was a high-achieving student who lead many campus clubs and student governments. I wanted to achieve everything and have it all. But deep inside, my world was falling apart because I started to let a failing relationship define myself as a failure. Talking to other people was not an option because I was keeping up a perfect image. The toxic relationship slowly took over my life and I began to doubt my self-worth.
Today, I am left with horizontal scars across my left wrist and it’s a permanent reminder to me that self-love always comes first. I’ve learned that it’s okay to show imperfection. Being single does not mean that you are unwanted and being in a relationship doesn’t define who you are. Before you can love someone else, you need to love yourself first. I learned to fall back in love with my passion for dance and music.
My jewelry store, The Modern Princess, donates all proceeds to charity and demonstrates that beauty is more than what meets the eye. You can look great in my designs and feel great at the same time about giving back! I no longer hide my scars with chunky bracelets and my store does not sell them either.
For those who can relate, please do utilize the resources we have and reach out to a crisis centre near you.